This River is Wild

God, The Universe is currently telling me something I am scared of. Something that makes me sick to my stomach. Something that tightens my throat so that is makes my ears ache. Something that I can see the other glorious side of, but I can’t see through it.

So I’m pushing it away while also knowing that my acceptance is all but done.

I’m intimidated by the players. I don’t think I’m capable. I don’t think I know enough. I don’t think I’m smart enough. I don’t think I have time. I don’t think I will like it. I don’t think I know how to set up the boundaries I am going to need without offending everyone I know. I don’t think I have the interest in all fairness. I think I am too old.

I know it will be good for my family. I know it will ultimately be good for me.

I am so very good at the talk. It’s the walk I have trouble with. But I know if I don’t take this path now that The Universe is putting right at my feet, It will keep putting up different obstacles to lead me back that will get increasingly more and more difficult to climb over. Like a river that would rather flow inland, I know eventually God will put me at the sea by gentle valleys or craggy, rocky rapids. I can’t choose the path. I can choose the ease of the path. I know that.

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